Rebuilding, Decluttering and Insanity
Today marks the nearly half way point of December. Half way through the month and I have been busy. Busy decluttering and rebuilding my life here in New Mexico.
For those of you that don’t know, when I moved back here in October, I came home to a house my younger brother trashed. I had an inkling that the house was in bad shape, but I had no idea how awful it really was until I walked through the front door.
Since that time, my father and I have been working diligently to clean up the mess and restore what was fucked up.
And it’s been work.
Hard, physical and sometimes heartbreaking work, but we are doing it. Every weekend, he shows up and we work on the house.
Like the hardwood floors that all needed to be stripped, sanded and refinished. The walls all needed to be cleaned, patched and painted.
I love it when it gets done cause it’s so beautiful and clean, but damn, I get tired of working on it. Some days, it makes me sad that my brother cared so little for my house. In some ways it makes me feel angry that he doesn’t care about me or the rest of the family. Other times when we work on the house, I feel sadness that he is so messed up and I miss the person he used to be. I hope and pray that the sweet boy I grew up with is somewhere there buried within the horrific and destructive person who destroyed my home. There are the feelings of happiness I get when we finish something like the floors and walls and it looks so great and awesome.
I think the term for this cacophony of feelings is insanity.
Anyway….so there is the house. From the destruction, she is being rebuilt.
Then there is my life in the boxes. The boxes from oh-so-long ago, like 15+ years, of my stuff that I never really unpacked when I bought the house because back then they just were not a priority. Now, I’ve started to go through them.
I am calling this the great decluttering part 2 of 2015. It’s the end of the year. I had no idea what was even in many of the boxes because they’ve been packed up for so long.
Going through them so far has stirred up a bunch of emotions for me too.
Yay! More insanity!
The big questions that keep coming up are “Why did I keep some of the things I kept all these years? What stuff do I keep now? How can I free myself from being such a packrat? Maybe I should just accept that I am a packrat and love myself anyway.”
So my former life in boxes. Some of them are filled with wondrous memories and love. Others, not so much….but I am going through them, sorting and keeping some things that I really love and giving away other things that just do not serve me or that I do not like.
So I’ve been busy. Busy and insane. I am nearly done writing another book and I am writing out my plans for next year. My office is nearly finished and once I get my new desk, I will be moving into that room and turning it into my sacred space for creativity and awesomeness.
So that’s where I am at today. Decluttering, rebuilding and insanity.
What are you up to?