How to Handle Your Runaway Emotions

Have you ever had your emotions runaway from you?  One day, everything is fine and you’re feeling great and then boom!  Suddenly its like WTF just happened? Now I feel ….ugh….

Seriously, WTF just happened?

Here’s the deal: When something upsets us and if you’re like me and you’ve been practicing the Law of Attraction, it’s very easy to want to try to shove or banish those types of emotions away. You can’t though and let me explain why.

So the past few weeks have been a gentle reminder for me to feel all my emotions. Usually I feel good about everything in my life and I run around in a state of joy and happiness no matter what the situation.

Last week was not the case. My boyfriend and I found ourselves in a situation which was completely out of our control. See, normally money just magically appears in his bank account at the end of his pay period. It’s been like that for months and well, that’s what happens.

Well he switched jobs and the new one didn’t offer direct deposit, but rather a pay card where his money would be on payday. Now we didn’t think anything about this at all at the time because we assumed (don’t make assumptions) it would be easy for him to transfer the funds to his bank account on payday.

Boy were we wrong. Turns out transferring money or even getting the money off the card ended up being a veritable nightmare. I won’t go into details here, but it was bad.  Really terrible.

Some things are out of our control

Now, during this whole event, I started to feel really angry not just at the company who was holding his money hostage, but the company he works for.  One day last week I was so nauseous that I couldn’t even eat. Another day I had a migraine.

I sometimes have a really hard time expressing how I feel when I’m angry or upset. I don’t like to bring down anyone by sharing these emotions with anyone. As a result of holding back,  I was starting to manifest physical symptoms that were bringing me to my knees.

It wasn’t until earlier this week I realized what was going on and decided to do something about it.

So here’s the deal when you have low vibrating emotions such as anger, fear, and frustration,(aka the runaways.)

How to Handle Your Runaway Emotions

Feel Them!

Shake your fists, cry, or talk to someone such as a friend.  Don’t stuff them away and try to be happy when you’re clearly not!

Express them!

Find a way to express your emotions in a way which isn’t destructive or harmful to yourself or others. Write them down or write a letter to the thing that’s really upset you.  Sometimes I  sit down and write out everything that’s pissed me off about the situation or I write a letter to it. Then I burn the letter.


Yeah, the less woo-woo guru is advocating meditation, but it’s not what you think. If you can take one minute during any sort of emotional episode and reconnect with yourself by just sitting down, closing you eyes and breathing deeply for about a minute, you’ll amazingly feel better.

Know That They Will Pass.

Our feelings are like the tide in a constant state of ebb and flow. Be patient and let them do just that, flow through you like a river. I always find this concept very comforting to me .

Find Five Good Things

Look around in your environment or life and find five good things, right now no matter what you are feeling. If you can do that, you’ll instantly raise your vibration and possibly feel better.


Of all the things on the list, finding five good things is my fave. I love it so much that I’ve written an upcoming book about it because it has single-handedly changed my life so much.  If you’d like to learn more about the book and get a free copy when it comes out, SIGN UP BELOW for my mailing list.

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Yes, Life IS like a Roller Coaster

Have you ever been on a roller coaster?  I bet you have. So have I and I gotta say this using a very over used cliche’ …..

Life is like a roller coaster.


Sometimes you gotta wait and be patient just like that big hill at the beginning of the roller coaster. You know the one. The whole car clicks it’s way up, up, up and you’re just waiting for it to stop cause you know you’re going to be hurled down the hill into who knows what. Maybe the car drops 30 feet only to rise up again on another hill.  Sometimes the car lurches from side-to-side in tight turns that jerk your whole body to and fro.  The car could also go in a loop-de-loop and the horizon turns upside down  and you get to see the world from an all wonky new perspective.


You can’t really know what you’re going to experience until you step into that car and strap yourself in.


What you do know though is that you’re going to have fun. You aren’t in control and you may not know what is going to happen next, but it’s ok. .


And that’s what life feels like sometimes.


Since moving back to Albuquerque and many other times in my life, there have been ups and downs and twists and turns along the way which I never would have imagined. I love my life and am grateful for all the crazy stuff I have experienced along the way. I’m glad my life is like a roller coaster.


So here’s the deal: We don’t know what our lives are going to bring.  We can plan, but really, we can’t know for certain.


For example, recently, I’ve been planning on going on the road with R. in the truck for an adventure. I’ve been looking so forward to this, packing and planning and getting myself all ready to go. I even bought these crazy funnel things that…..  ha ha…(I’ll share that story on my other blog Adventures of a Curly Girl)


Anyway, a couple of days ago, one of my cats started to act funny.  Not bad funny, but not like himself which has me concerned.  I’ve been keeping an eye on him and so far, so good, but if he’s not totally back to his usual awesome cat self by the time R. leaves, then I will stay home with him until he recuperates.


And there it is…just like a roller coaster with an unexpected turn. I may not be getting on the road with R. as soon as I had hoped. It’s ok though.

Life IS a roller coaster.

Might as well enjoy the ride!



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Choices and Alignment

Choices and Alignment


Recently, I had to make a choice:  walk away from something that wasn’t aligned with me or stay and try to make the best of it even though I felt terrible.  I waffled back and forth because I didn’t want to hurt anyone (including myself) and making that decision wasn’t pleasant, but I had to because the thing wasn’t in alignment with who I am, my life and my goals.


Leading up to my decision, I had felt that I needed to stay and help and push the thing into alignment. What a crazy thing to do, right?


I don’t know much, but I know this:


You cannot force the Universe

Or situations

Or people

Into alignment.


And I tried. I really did try.


I had been staying  and pushing even though my intuition was screaming at me to run away because I was feeling worse and worse everyday. (and I do not like feeling bad)


SO I made the choice and well, now I’m dealing with the consequences of that choice.


And while I do feel better today because it’s all said and done now, there is part of me that feels bad because I unintentionally hurt someone and for that I am sorry.


Now what does this have to do with the Law of Attraction?


Vibrations and Alignment


Since I started to study the Law of Attraction, I’ve gotten really good at feeling my vibration and the vibrations of the people around me. Being an empath also helps with this and with a bit of practice, my sensitivity to these vibrations has gotten really fine tuned so when I am around people or situations that are not at the same frequency that I vibrate at, I feel it with every ounce of my being.


Now, I realize I can’t change the vibrations of other people or situations.  I try to deal with them as they are as best I can.  I offer help and well, in this situation, I tried to do the best I could to help raise the vibration.


It was no use though so I had to make a choice: Stay or Leave.


After months of banging my head against the wall, feeling totally miserable, I realized that I couldn’t stay because I know deep down I can only handle so much negative vibration from others.  As an empath, I feel what other people feel even when I don’t want to.  It’s a great thing and a shitty thing all at the same time.


So my questions for you are do you stay in a situation that feels vibrationally  bad or wrong? Or do you walk away?  Do you try to fix the situation or person who isn’t vibrating at the same frequency as you?  Or do you remove yourself from the situation?


I have to say that making that choice, while it was hard, was the best thing for me to do for me right now. I feel more aligned with the Universe again.


So in sum, it’s all about choice.  What you choose. Do you listen to your intuition or ignore it?

Who do you choose to surround yourself with and how do you feel when you are around them?

What situations do you choose to be in and how do you feel when you are in them?


It’s all about choices and alignment.


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It’s Ok to Not Know

July was a crazy month for me.  So much happened in one month and now that it’s August, I feel like I’m trying to find my footing again.  I don’t feel lost per se, but I do feel like there are a billion things to do and I gotta choose just one.   Just one!  And I do not know which one to choose…..Bahh….

I feel like Indiana Jones  when he has to pick one cup from the others and it’s gotta be the right one or …well, if you’ve seen the movie, you know what happens.

So how do I choose?  How do I choose the right project to focus on?

Maybe this is the universe telling me that it’s ok to not know right now and to take some time off and get back to  my groovy happy zone and flow.

Last month was such a whirlwind of ups and downs. Between movie shoots, trips to the lake, my directorial debut and a bunch of other personal things,  the dust from all of that excitement and adventure has settled and I sort of don’t know what to do. Of course, I have a huge laundry list of shit to take care of and I know what I should be doing, but honestly, I don’t feel like doing any of it right now. Why that is, I have no idea and that is ok.

I give myself permission to not know.

It is ok to not know and not have all of the answers all of the time. Sometimes I need to sit and feel what I need to do next.  I know, sounds crazy, but it’s true.  Ever since I started to lead my business and my writing with my heart instead of my head, it’s gone so much smoother and has been better overall.

My scripts will always be here, waiting patiently for me to work on them. The rest of the business stuff, it will be here too. I know this is temporary and shall pass because it always does.




I Fucked Up

Sometimes I need to be bitch slapped.


I fucked up. Like ROYALLY fucked up.


Last weekend, I made an assumption about something and then I wrote something from my heart as a result of that assumption. I asked for advice and well, someone got hurt. Very hurt. I won’t go into the details here, but it was bad and I was reminded all too well of why I shouldn’t act on any assumption.


And that assumption I made…


It was wrong. So bloody wrong.


I should not have reacted like I did.


I feel terrible. Terrible that I could do such a thing, such a simple and seemingly innocuous thing that turns out was a pretty big thing.


I also feel I owe an apology not just to the person I made the assumption about, but one to all of the people that I dragged into it.   There are no excuses for what I did.


Yes, here I am. I have egg on my face. I am sorry.


Sometimes I don’t even realize what an asshole I am being until it is too late. I can apologize, but what’s done is done.


All I can do is apologize, learn from my mistake and make today better than yesterday.


That’s all any of us can do when we fuck up.


Learn from the mistake.

Apologize if it’s appropriate.

Make today better than yesterday

Forgive ourselves.


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How to Handle Huge Life Changes

How to Handle Huge Life Changes


Moving to a new home has a way of putting our lives into such a unique perspective. One that we don’t get to experience very often. When we pack everything we own into boxes and clear out our current living space in order to move to a new home, feelings can come up that we may or may not be used to experiencing.
So how do we deal with these feelings that come up when we are faced with a huge major life change like a move, a marriage, a divorce, a new job….etc?


Allow your emotions to flow
Do something that makes you feel good
Reach out to your support system


Allow your emotions to flow

When your going through a major change in your life, you may start to feel intense emotions that you don’t normally feel like anxiety, fear, happiness, joy or any other emotion. If you are an empath like I am, sometimes these emotions can be extremely overwhelming. The best thing to do with them, however is to just let them flow. Don’t hold them in. If you are feeling very happy and joyful, sing, dance or express that happiness in whatever way suits you. Same goes for the other emotions. If you are sad and need to have a cry, do it. Cry and let yourself be sad for a bit.


Throughout my move back to New Mexico, I allowed myself to feel whatever I was feeling at the time. When I felt sad, I gave myself permission to cry. When I felt happy, I gave myself permission to listen to music and dance.


Do something that makes you feel good

When your life feels out of control and the change you are experiencing is overwhelming, stop what you are doing and go do something that you did before the change that makes you feel good. If you like to knit or crochet, do that. If you like to game, go play a game. If movies and music is your thing, pop on the radio and listen to your favorite music or go watch a movie or tv show that you love. It doesn’t matter what it is that you do as long as it’s something that you enjoy and makes you feel good.


For example, during my move to New Mexico I would listen to music when I was feeling overwhelmed or anxious. Other times I would watch either a movie or tv show that I just love.


Reach Out to Your Support System

Sometimes when we are experiencing huge changes in our lives, we forget that we are not alone and we have people who love and care about us. Reaching out to them via phone or social media can be a huge help to relieving the stress and onslaught of emotions we experience during a huge life change. All it takes is ‘hello, do you have time for a chat?’


When I was driving across the US last week and for my first few days back here in the Que, I made sure I stayed in contact with both my family and friends. Through talking to them, I was able to alleviate a lot of my anxiety and fear about the move which has made the transition so much smoother.


So if you are going through any sort of huge life change, be it a move to a new home/town or any other change, remember this:


Let your emotions flow
Do something that makes you feel good
Reach out to your support system



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What I Know Right Now

What I Know Right Now


It’s been an interesting couple of weeks in my dream created life. Between moving ¾ away across the United States and reclaiming my house after my meth-head brother’s 4 year tenure of destruction, I swear that I am still waiting to land and figure out what is really going on.


Here’s what I do know right here and right now.


1. Gratitude must be practiced everyday. No exceptions.
2. Humor must also be practiced everyday.
3. Never deny your emotions.
4. Remember that destruction comes before creation.

Last week, I was on my way back to New Mexico from Massachusetts. I drove about 2300 miles alone with 5 cats across 9 states. When I finally got back to my home, I finally faced down what was one of my worst fears in the past few months: my brother had destroyed most of my things and a considerable amount my home, a home that I’ve owned for 10 years as of August of this year. He also had 3-5 people living here and some of their stuff was and is still here even as I sit here writing this at 3 am on Monday morning. I’m living out of a duffle bag and have yet to really settle in yet. I’m getting there though.  Day-by-day, little-by-little, my life back here in New Mexico is starting to stabilize.


I’ve ran through just about every single emotion that exists as a result. Sadness, anger, confusion, happiness, joy….you name an emotion and I’ve experienced it in the past week.


So… I am today and I have this to share.


Gratitude. Practice it EVERY DAY!

Throughout this whole experience, I’ve made it a point to find at least 5 things that I am thankful for everyday. Some days, it’s been a challenge, but I’ve done it regardless of what emotion I’ve been feeling at the time. No exceptions.


Humor. Find the Funny.

No matter what the situation, find some shit to laugh at and and again, practice this everyday.


Just as with gratitude, find the funny. Make a joke. Remember to laugh with your whole heart and body cause it feels good. I’ve somehow been able to find a ton of funny shit to laugh at everyday despite the fact that so much of my stuff has either been destroyed, sold or who even knows what happened to it.


Let Your Feelings Flow.

Never ever ever deny what you are feeling. Ever.


Get those emotions out. If you need to be angry for a moment, be angry. Feeling down or sad, feel sad. Cry if you need to. Yell and hit pillows (or demo a bathroom like I did yesterday with my dad) when no one is around if you are feeling angry. Let that shit out, but don’t let it consume you.

Remember that destruction comes before creation.

Before you can let new stuff into your life, there has to be a tearing down of the old stuff, no matter what that means to you. Right now in my life, destruction has become quite literal, but in the best way. I am in the process of tearing down what my brother destroyed to make room for new and better stuff. Yesterday, I had the wonderful pleasure of taking a sledgehammer and a crowbar to one of the bathrooms. I forgot how much I love demolition.


So that’s what I know right now:

Destruction before Creation








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Today, You Have Permission to…

Today, you have permission to feel….


Now fill in the blank.


Throughout this great moving adventure and major changes that are taking place in my life right now, I’ve been feeling quite a few emotions. Some positive and some negative. I’m happy to be going home, but I am sad to be leaving New England. I am happy to get rid of things that no longer serve me, but I feel somewhat sad about letting them go. I am happy that I get to live in my house again, but I am sad about what my brother and his friends have done to it.


And I’m giving myself permission to feel all of these emotions. Yep, you heard me right.


I give myself permission to be both happy and sad.


When we are faced with huge life changes, our emotional landscape can go from being sunny to overcast and rainy..and it can change in a minute or an hour. Being an empath, these massive emotional swings can seem insurmountable and sometimes frightening, but they don’t need to be. Let me explain why.


How would we know what happiness is if we never experienced sadness or grief? How would we know harmony and peace if we’ve never experienced anger and discontent?


We wouldn’t, would we? Life would be dull and drab and downright boring if all we experienced was one emotion or no emotions. Imagine that?


There is a movie called Equilibrium about a society of people who are drugged into what is called equilibrium. Emotions are never expressed and to show any emotion can mean death. Can you imagine? I can’t.


Feelings and emotions are what make being human so….Human. We have to give ourselves permission to feel all of them though. Even the negative ones because with out them, we wouldn’t have the positive ones.


So give yourself permission today to feel whatever it is that you are feeling.


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The Great De-Cluttering of 2015

The Great De-Cluttering of 2015 has commenced.

boxes and totes from the great purge

For nearly three weeks now, I have been going through my closets, digging through boxes that have not been opened in three years, sorting and bagging and boxing up things I have collected and held on to for what seems like an eternity in preparation for my move West back to the Land of Enchantment.


Cleaning and organizing is not my favorite thing to do, but so far this time, it’s  been an interesting and cathartic process.


I have found treasures.

I have found things that I don’t remember buying.

I have found things that give me the happiest of memories.

I have found things that evoke unhappy memories.


So that’s how it’s been going…….box by box and tote by tote and closet by closet……picking and sorting….organizing and cleaning…..


Cleaning out this condo in this massive effort has got me thinking about The Law of Attraction, energy and emotions. Everything we touch. Everything we own. Everything we surround ourselves with, we attracted to our life in some way.


And while going through it all, I keep feeling the energies that these things, my things contain.  Everything contains energy, vibrating on different frequencies…


And I brought it here so I claim responsibility for it.  All of it.


all of the clothes

and shoes

and fabric

and yarn

and what-the-fuck junk

and stuff I have no idea how it got here…


I attracted these things into my life with my thoughts, feelings and actions.


So here’s the low down: At some point, I wanted these things. Or maybe I didn’t know what I wanted so the Universe decided to surround me with these things in my home because I was unclear about what I wanted for myself and my life.


Now I am going through it all.  I’m getting very clear about what I want.  I know what I want.  My vision is as clear as the blue sky on a sunny day.


I want to be surrounded by beautiful and new things.

I want things that make me happy.

I want things that I want. Things that I have consciously brought into my life.

I don’t want to be surrounded by things that make me unhappy.

I don’t want things that are linked to unhappy times or people from my past.

I don’t want things that clutter my house and therefore, my mind and heart.


And you should too.


My advice today is to go open a box or closet and clean it out.  Purge from your home and life anything that makes you feel bad or reminds you of an unhappy or sad time.  Donate it to charity, throw it away or sell it on E-bay.


Keep things that make you happy or feel good.  Surround yourself with things that you love and treasure.  You’ll be surprised when the things you’ve let go are gone, how the entire energy of your home will shift and feel lighter and happier.


That’s all I got for today.  I still have more to clean, de-clutter and purge before the big move.



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Be Yourself…You Have Nothing To Hide

Be Yourself…..You have nothing to hide.


I made a big announcement over social media about my current situation and pending move back to New Mexico after four years of struggling to make it and survive in Boston. I’ve gotten a lot of support and love from people which has been nice and has me thinking this morning.


Over the past four years, I haven’t really shared my struggles, my shame, my disappointment or my failures that I’ve been dealing with and living through here in Boston.


So why didn’t I share? Why didn’t I reach out and try to connect with others when my life and situation was spiraling out of control? Why didn’t I ask for help when I really could have used it?


I hid my head in the sand. I put certain parts, what I felt were the ugly parts of my life, behind a curtain much like the wizard did in the Wizard of Oz. I put on a game face and showed only the happy good joyful times that were few and far between. I wore a mask of smiles and jokes that never really showed my pain, anguish and sadness. I feared that if I shared my struggle, I would be judged or looked down upon by others. I was ashamed of the struggle, my failure and of myself. My scorpio nature had me scramble, run and hide under a rock.


Why though? Why did I behave this way and why am I now sharing this story now.


Well, I don’t want anyone to go through what I’ve just been through. By hiding and pretending to be things I am not and by hiding my truth, I hurt myself and others. By keeping my personal pain and struggles about what was going on in my life  and disconnecting from everyone, I had to bear and cope with these struggles on my own.


I have been lying to myself and to everyone around me.


In truth, by hiding I was not being myself. I was not being authentic to the creature that you all know as Tobi.


So what can we gain from this? What is the lesson to be learned?


Be Yourself.

Bask in the glory of your greatness daily.

Don’t let other people’s judgement or criticisms frighten or hurt you.

Don’t hide your feelings or eat them or drink them.

Give yourself permission to feel good.

Share your gifts, your story or whatever you want with others.

Don’t be afraid or ashamed of who you are, what your status is in life, where you live, what you look like or anything.

You are perfect.

You are wonderful.

You deserve to have the sun shine on your face.

You deserve to be happy no matter what is going on in your life.

You deserve love and support

You do not have to hide ever.

If you are struggling, do not be ashamed to reach out to your friends, family or anyone else that you trust and who cares for you.

If you are happy, share that joy with the world.

Be Yourself.


There is no one better.










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