How To Break Free From Your Past

Yesterday was Memorial Day here in the United States. It’s a day when we look back over our past and remember all of the brave service men and women who died serving in the US military to protect the freedoms we all enjoy. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for these people because without them, things would be vastly different.

Anyway, Memorial Day always makes me think about the past, both my past and the past of all the people who have somehow made it into my life for a time or two. I’ve sometimes felt trapped by my past, but along the way, I learned how to be free from it.

How to Break Free From Your Past

If you believe The Law of Attraction is real and is always working whether you realize it or not, you can conceivably say that you have attracted every single person who has come into your life, both the good and the bad. Maybe some of these people have stayed around for years. Maybe some of them have only been around for just a little while.

The point is you attracted them because you needed them and they you and the Universe brought you together. There are no coincidences.

When I used to look back, I’d wonder why certain types of people kept showing up. Some were the most demeaning and toxic friendships or relationships I have ever been in. Back then, I’d do my damnedest to try to understand why and I never could figure it out. That was until I learned about the Law of Attraction.

With my new knowledge, I realize that it was me and my core beliefs at the time about who I am and what I deserved in a friendship or relationship which attracted them.

See, back in the day I had very low self esteem and self worth. I felt I didn’t deserve to have nice friends or a good boyfriend because I didn’t value myself much. As a result, I ended up in some very bad relationships with people who did not treat me well. Sadly, when these types of toxic people would show up, I would do everything I could to keep the friendship or relationship going because  I didn’t believe I deserved better.

Seriously, it was messed up!

Deep down in my heart though, I knew I deserved better friends and relationships and thankfully I was able to escape most of these entanglements without much damage to my self worth and self esteem.

So how does this relate to the Law of Attraction?

How You Feel About Yourself Will Attract People Into Your Life Who Will Confirm Those Beliefs

If you believe you deserve to be surrounded by people who love you and what the best for you at the highest level, then you will be.  If you believe you are worthy of a healthy relationship, the Universe will bring you just that; Someone you can have a healthy relationship with.

If you believe you aren’t worthy and you feel bad about yourself, the Universe will bring you people who just confirm that belief for you. Sounds crazy, but it’s true.

You ever meet someone who’s been in relationship after relationship with the same sort of man or woman? They just keep attracting the same sort of person again and again and then they wonder why.

I had a friend once who seemed to attract nothing but drug addicts, alcoholics and abusers. I used to shake my head back then, but now I understand what was going on. My friend had no self worth whatsoever and would lament and whine about how she was ‘never good enough, not pretty enough, not rich enough, etc…’ to attract a decent man. Her belief in what she was attracted people, men especially, who would just confirm and strengthen her beliefs about herself.

What can we learn here?

Everyone is Worthy

First thing I want everyone to learn is that they are worthy of healthy relationships. Everyone deserves to have a cadre of friends who love and support them.  When I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE. I mean you too!

Forgive Yourself

Secondly, if you’ve made some bad choices in friends or relationships, forgive yourself. You can’t change your past. Today is a new day to change your beliefs about yourself and what you want. Don’t beat yourself up about the past.

Limit Time Spent With Toxic People

I’d love to say end all of your bad relationships now which is sometimes easier said than done. What you can do, however, is limit your time with them. As you strengthen your beliefs in yourself and raise your self esteem and self worth, you’ll find many of your toxic relationships will naturally resolve themselves. The more you practice, the easier it gets.

Believe in Yourself

Always believe in yourself. You are worthy. You deserve good things and people in your life. If you struggle with this, it’s ok. We all have moments of self doubt. It will pass.

Xoxo

PS  Recently,  I started a community over on Facebook for my new book, “What’s Your Five?“. It’s a sacred space for us to share what’s we’re thankful for everyday to raise our vibrations and activate the Law of Attraction.

If you’d like to be part of of this amazing community, click the photo below to go to the group and JOIN!

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Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys

 

So here’s what happened to me yesterday.  I’ve been talking to many moving companies because I am sure as shit not driving some big assed truck with five cats and towing my cart 2300 miles.  I am  strong independent woman, but I do have my limits and this is one of them.

 

Anyway, one of the salesmen I talked to was this really nice guy.  You know how sometimes when you talk to some salesmen it’s like, ugh….get me off the phone like now….but then there are the ones that are so friendly and helpful and you like them (more on that later) so you want to hire them. Well anyway….over a period of a week, I called him with questions about my move.

 

Now, one of the times I called him, he picked up the phone and had been yelling at someone.  I was really in shock and a bit concerned for the guy.  I wondered who he was yelling at.  Maybe his co-worker  (I’ve actually done that and had a customer hear me so it would not surprise me)  Maybe the dog or the cat.  Maybe the postman.

 

We chatted briefly and then hung up.  Of course I was wondering what the fuck was going on because I hate to hear when people are yelling, upset or angry.

 

So the next day he calls me back to apologize for what had happened.  Then he proceeds to tell me all about his wife.  His wife doesn’t trust him because she’s had other men in her past that were not nice to her.  I understand this as well having been in some bad relationships. I tell him that it’s not him she is mad at, but the other men and herself for making bad choices. While on the phone, I listened and prayed for both of them (Hey, pagans can pray!).  I don’t like to hear of anyone being sad or feeling lousy or any of that, so I prayed.

 

And I figured that was the end of that, or so I thought.  I hadn’t heard from him in over a week and since I haven’t hired my moving company yet, I had no reason to talk to him or any of the other salesmen.

 

Well it wasn’t the end of it.  Sunday I received a weird text from an unknown number.  I ignored it.  Yesterday I got another text from the same number demanding to know if I am Tobi.  I responded with a yes, who are you?  Now….her response was so-and-so’s wife. “Do you have anything you’d like to tell me?”

 

My response was “What are you talking about? Nice to meet you!” Now I don’t know this woman or her husband, but obviously she made some sort of odd connection and assumed that I am up to something devious that involves her husband.

 

Anyway…to make a long story short, when this started to happen, I called him to let him know his wife was texting me and that I did not appreciate it.  Well, they were in the middle of a screaming match when he picked up.  I even offered to talk to her to let her know that I am just a potential customer and that I have no interest in her man.

 

OYE….was I not prepared for what happened when she picked up.  No shit, this is what she said:

 

“I don’t know who the fuck you are or what the fuck you are trying to do with my husband, but you better not ever fucking call this number again, ever.  Do you hear me? You better leave my fucking husband alone or I will….”

 

Then it thankfully cut out.

 

Now, of course what she said completely freaked me out and I was taken aback a bit, but then it made me realize something.

 

I am not responsible for her or her feelings.  Whatever is going on with her and her husband, it’s not my business.  I feel bad for her on some level cause I have felt and behaved nearly as she did yesterday, screaming and yelling because she assumes there is something hinky going on with her husband and me. The truth does not matter.

 

But…really, she is not my problem.

 

The Polish have a saying. 

“Not my circus, Not my monkeys”

 

I think that applies beautifully to this situation, don’t you?

 

I can only control my own behavior and emotions.

 

So the takeaway from this…

YOU are responsible for you.

Not other people.

Even if you want to be and try to be

Even if they yell at you and you want to fix it.

Even if they are friendly and nice and kind.

You are not responsible for them.

Or their emotions

Or their behavior.

Just you.

and your emotions

and your behaviors.

Have a beautiful day with your own circus and monkeys  😉

 

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Letting Go Is Never Easy

For the past few months, both my professional and personal life has been growing and expanding at such a fast rate that the rest of my life needs to catch up or at least meet me half way.

See, since I decided a few years ago not to return to my previous career or get another traditional job, I have felt more alive and happier than I have ever been. I am feeling more connected to my life and I’m look forward to this phase of growth and learning and expanding and writing. It’s a good life and I’m excited for the next chapter.

Now with this wonderful feeling of freedom and openness and excitement, I’ve been experiencing something else as well:  The feeling of disconnection to other things, most notably some of my friendships. My friends and some of my family do not understand why I would choose to go out into the scary unknown and open a business or try to make money in a non-traditional way.  I understand that what I do makes no sense to them and that is ok.  It’s not for them to understand because it’s not their life. It’s mine and mine alone.

I read in a bunch of books that as we change and our lives change, the people around us may respond in a variety of different ways.  While some are supportive, others may not be as much so what I am feeling is normal, but it still doesn’t make it hurt any less. I don’t like to let things go, especially people.  Even when they are not good for me or the joy of the friendship is gone, I don’t like to end relationships. I want to hold on and keep people in my life forever because my people are precious to me.

Lately though, I have found myself evaluating some of my friendships and questioning them.  Most of them I simply do not feel connected to anymore. It’s like I moved far away, but not in the physical sense.  I’ve moved on emotionally and mentally and even on some levels, spiritually. I also know that to move forward in this next phase of my evolution, I will have to end some of these friendships though it pains me to have to do that.

Letting go is never easy.